When I originally left for Paris, I thought it would only be for a year. With that in mind, I rented my house completely furnished, packed or stored my personal belongings, found a new home for my beloved 88 lb “puppy” Bentley, left my car at my sister’s house, and then had a meltdown the night before I left.
Crazy huh? How could something as wildly exciting as a year in Paris suddenly kick me into panic?
My friend calls it the pink cloud. That initial phase of euphoria when what we are about to do looks like a movie; like when we are planning our wedding to the man who swept us off our feet promising us the sun, moon and stars.
We tend to “overlook” the actual marriage part in favor of color selections and flower choice. Which is why “reality” usually hits us so hard, a few years into marriage. The pink cloud recedes and we are blinded by the light of day to day life. We begin to notice things we never paid much attention to before. Being women, we tend to compromise, give in or give up on those things and relationships that once made us happy in favor of “us”.
Stressors like starting a family, caring for parents, jobs and money create anxiety, fear, doubt. If our spouses don’t rise to these events, or worse, pull away or become angry and accusatory that adds sadness and anger, to the mix. I was all of those things in my marriage. Which I directed at my husband of course, for not trying harder to make it work, (from my perspective).
But what really happened?
I put all of my hopes, dreams and expectations on him. It didn’t seem that way to me at the time, but looking back I can see it. No wonder things imploded. (And yes, I am sure he entered into our marriage with his own misguided expectations of me.)
We were both so busy blaming. While I thought he should do “X”, he was assuming I would do “Y”. I was mistakenly and wrongly “sacrificing” self care for the sake of the relationship (so I thought). The result of my self imposed sacrifices? I became resentful and small and fearful. While he became resolute and justified and defensive.
Yep, it was quite a dance the two of us had going. Neither of us knew how to change the tempo or stop the music long enough to figure things out. So, 18 years into a lifetime, I divorced him.
When we are so busy playing a role, whether we chose it or we believe it was placed on us, we forget important things, like our dreams, things that make us happy. And when we turn our entire focus (and resulting happiness) outward the s*&t really hits the fan.
That is how I got here. And yes, things have worked out well. But the journey was hell. If I could spare you, or any woman even a few hours of it, it is a successful day for me. No, more than that, it is a grand slam home run.
To that end, I created a free “Write Your Life” Challenge that will be done on in our FB group beginning June 4. You don’t have to be a writer. This isn't about becoming the next F. Scott Fitzgerald or Elizabeth Gilbert. It's about putting pen to paper and using these simple, powerful prompts to write some clarity back into your life."
It is designed simply to help you employ the miracle working magic of writing, so that you can create the life you want to live:
Establish essential rituals to carve out time for you, (even if Rome is burning).
Bring back some of the things that light you up, or make you smile
Show you how to keep those things in your life.
It is designed for you, the intelligent, heart driven, hardworking superwoman that you are, to be able to take a deep breath and just forget about him for a while.
This is how it works:
30 minutes a day for 5 days. You receive daily writing prompts and take photos of your accomplishments. You post them in the group, get lots of accolades and pats on the back, ooohhhss and aaahhhhsss about your great skills and unique charms and maybe develop new BFF’s.
It is fun, easy and comes with terrific prizes from Paris.
“Write Your Life” - it is exactly like it sounds.
So come, join us, write the life you want to live!