Are You Stuck Or Exhausted?

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I have considered becoming a professional mover in my next life. (Kidding) I say this with half a smile, because if you have seen any of my posts or comments lately, you may know we are moving to Orléans, a beautiful city about an hour’s train ride from Paris. As I pondered this relocation, (mind you, I am ecstatic about the move, but less so about the logistics of it all), it struck me that moving is critical to life.

Think about it. Ponds get stagnant if the water isn’t moving. If you are a mom, you’ve had that sudden gut clench when your child becomes too still or too quiet, the panicky thought that something must be wrong. 

If we don’t move bodies, our muscles atrophy. If we don’t move the synapses of our brain, learning new things, challenging ourselves, after time, the brain literally kills off the unused portions. If we stay in a situation or place that we don’t benefit from or grow with, we consider ourselves “stuck”.

Let’s face it, basically, if we aren’t moving we are dying.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, however, we have that frantic busy-ness movement, running ourselves into the ground, jumping from one place to the next or one activity to another; until we are exhausted.

Stuck or exhausted, not very exciting to contemplate. There has to be another way.

While movement is important, for growth, stimulation, and expansion, knowing the why and where are the key to avoiding exhaustion and hopelessness.

This is a major component in the work that I do with my clients, moving toward something as opposed to running away from something. Learning the difference was life changing in my own hard learned growth.

I divorced, as I have shared, because I wanted to stop crying, arguing, feeling hopeless. I was running away from something but not moving toward something. So, I was still just as lost.

I moved into business. I redecorated the house, repainted, re-did the kitchen and updated things to put it on the market. I adopted a dog, but because I was gone all day with my work, I adopted a second dog to keep my first one company. 

I was so busy in the three years just after my divorce I fell into bed every night, already overwhelmed by what I knew was coming up the next day.

I confused doing "something", being busy with being satisfied.

I began a 3-year dating relationship with a man the opposite of my ex-husband, (typical behavior therapists will tell you). He was communicative, we could talk for hours. He was an artist, disheveled, typically covered in the materials of his work, considered a polo shirt and khakis dress up and a $50 meal for two an expensive night out. He used a card table in front of a 25-year-old badly torn sofa to eat on. He drove an older model car, had no money, but was deep and introspective. He asked me to marry him multiple times, wrote a dedication to me in his book. It sounds so bohemian and poetic, right? 

But after a while, all the things that seemed lovely about my life, dogs I always wanted that my husband had forbade, an attentive but starving artist boyfriend, new business, newly decorated house weren’t so lovely at all. I had moved, yes, that was for sure, but without direction. So, was I happy? No, if anything I was more miserable. 

Movement, just for movements sake is great for the body, but not the soul or the mind or the heart.

So often we just want to move away from something, but we have no idea of what we are moving toward. Or, as was in my case, after my divorce I moved into a relationship with someone completely different because I thought all I wanted or needed was someone to listen to me, to value me. 

What I didn’t understand was that I was still looking for validation and happiness, outside of myself. I just transferred my expectations from my husband to another man. (Wonder how that ended?)

The point being, if you are feeling stuck, hopeless, exhausted, miserable, then yes, move, move, do it. But before you jump into the unknown, There are a few simple things to consider, 

Ready to pack your bags for a new life – WONDERFUL, MAGNIFIQUE, GENIAL!

Give these tips a once over before you lock the door on your way out:

  1. As tired and trite as it may sound, the grass isn’t always greener – a new relationship isn’t the answer
  2. Everything new will eventually, if it is around long enough, grow familiar, old and known – in other words, the shine will wear off
  3. A moment of life wasted in regret is wasted forever and 
  4. You can’t change the past, so make decisions and move on, accepting what comes
  5. Knowing yourself is critical to growth, 
  6. As is trying new things to find out who you are, 
  7. making time for play
  8. Making time for rest 
  9. Not being afraid to make a mistake, 
  10. Or fearing the time, soul destroying impact when we worry what other people think

And by all means, make a music playlist to accompany every phase of your new life, as well as developing deep friendships that will support you and help you to grow.

Ready to move? Awesome, go for it!